Week 4: Doctrine of Eternal Marriage

Covenant Marriage or Contract Marriage?

Elder Bruce C. Hafen’s talk “Covenant Marriage” (Ensign, Nov 1996) really hit home with me this week. From personal experience, I know the truth of what he is speaking of concerning the difference between a contract marriage and a covenant marriage. (Yes, this is personal, but I won’t go TMI here, I promise.) 

Long story, short, is that my first engagement ended because my fiancé viewed our upcoming marriage as a “starter marriage”, and I did not. The level of commitment was definitely at contract level, not covenant. Not that this was going to be a temple marriage, to begin with, but even so, the attitude of making a strong commitment to me or the marriage was not there. As the weeks and months of our engagement progressed, I felt like a weight was pressing down harder and harder, until finally he did something that made me realize I needed to gather my courage and end the relationship. I did, and it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. It was also one of the best decisions I have ever made. 

When my husband and I were interviewing with the Stake President before we were sealed, he gave us the advice to always put our companion’s needs first. He said if we would do this, we would find ourselves in a strong and satisfying marriage. Elder Hafen’s statement that “Contract companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions each give 100 percent” reminded me of that advice given by our Stake President. Putting our spouse first and being 100 percent committed to each other is the difference between being in a contract or a covenant. It is the difference between what I have now, a covenant marriage, and what I would have had if I had gone through with my first engagement, a contract marriage.

In my opinion, excessive individualism, is the “wolf” that is particularly detrimental to our society, especially in regards to marriage. The “me first” attitude that is so prevalent in our world today is completely opposite of the example the Savior set for us. It is one of the tools Satan is using to “make the sons and daughters of God confused and unhappy and halt their eternal progression.” ¹

The question I have to ask myself is what changes can I make to let go of the “me” that too frequently crops up in my marriage relationship? How can I, how can you, become more Christ-like in the relationships we have in our lives, marriage or otherwise?

1. Bednar, David A. (2006, June) Marriage Is Essential to His Eternal Plan.  https://www.lds.org/ensign/2006/06/marriage-is-essential-to-his-eternal-plan?lang=eng