Week 12: Transistions in Marriage Power Relations and Children

I feel the articles we were given to read this week can really bless the lives of families everywhere. I especially enjoyed the chapter from Elder Ballards “Counseling with your Councils” and Elder Eyring’s talk on unity. I think they go hand in hand with each other. I believe family or couple councils bring greater unity to a family because they allow all members of the family to have a voice and feel like they are an important contributor to what goes on in the family.

I’ve see this happening with our own family in the last few weeks. One of the commitments that my husband and I have made, as part of a self-reliance class we are taking, is having a regular, weekly family council. As we have done this consistently over the past 9-10 weeks, we have seen a change in the unity of our family. In the past, family councils have been few and far between. Now that we are seeing how our family is blessed by having them, we will make them a priority for the future.

I found a few principles from Elder Ballard that I think are definitely something that we can apply in our family council. First, making sure we are expressing our feelings of love and concern to each other. I think this one simple thing will be helpful in creating the best atmosphere to hold a family council with. I think it goes right along with praying to have the Spirit in attendance. We always start with a prayer, but not the expressions of love. 

I also think that something Elder Eyring said applies to this as well. He says, “Where people have that Spirit with them, we may expect harmony. The Spirit puts the testimony of truth in our hearts, which unifies those who share that testimony. The Spirit of God never generates contention (see 3 Ne.11:29). It never generates the feelings of distinctions between people which lead to strife (see Joseph F. Smith, Gospel Doctrine, 13th ed. [1963], 131). It leads to personal peace and a feeling of union with others. It unifies souls. A unified family, a unified Church, and a world at peace depend on unified souls.” (“That We May Be One”, Ensign, May 1998) Perhaps when we find that we have feelings of contention in our family council, it might be best to end that council, and try again later when we can all have the Spirit with us. 

Something else that really stood out to me from Elder Ballard, was the fact that in the Quorum of the Twelve council meetings, no decisions were made unless everyone was in agreement. Everyone is given a voice on the matter, but nothing is finalized until all are in complete agreement. In a family, I think there are times when parents need to make decisions without the children’s input. However, I feel that whenever it is appropriate, this is a good way to proceed, even in family council. Doing so will really help every member of the family feel important and valuable, and unity will grow.

While we have become much better at having family councils, we have a lot of room to grow. I am grateful I now have these recourses to pull from to help us improve our councils and increase our family unity.

One last little bit...this is mostly a reminder for me as a parent of a son who is about to get married and start his own family life. These quotes from President Spencer W. Kimball are directed towards those tho are newly married, but the speak a reminder to me as well, concerning my roll in the life they are going to be starting together.

 

“Frequently, people continue to cleave unto their mothers and their fathers, ad their chums. Sometimes, mothers will not relinquish the hold they have had upon their children, and husbands as well as wives return to their mothers and fathers to obtain advice and counsel and to confide, whereas cleaving should be to the wife in most things, and all intimacies should be kept in great secrecy and privacy from others… your married life should become independent of her folks and his folks. You love them more than ever, you cherish their counsel, you appreciate their association, but you live your own lives, being governed by your decisions, by your own prayerful considerations after you have received the counsel from those who should give it.”

                                                                         (Spence W. Kimball, march 197 ensign, pp. 4,5)

“Well-meaning relative have broken up many a home. Numerous divorces are attributable to the interference of parents who thought they were only protecting their loved children… Live your own life”

                                                                       (President Spencer W. Kimball, Marriage, p. 17)